Meet my needs first!

In an informal study in Newsweek (Tyre, Scelfo, & Kantrowitz, 2004) found that children expect to nag parents nine times before getting what they want. In today’s culture boys expect to get what they want when they want it. They do not intend to wait. They come first.

Many schools unknowingly aid this assumption by giving out rewards for dubious efforts because it is that boys turn to get something. This “everyone must feel good about themselves” attitude is exactly what these children don’t need! They get everything at a push of a button, Ipod’s, PSP’s, DVD’s. When boys realise that effort grades are just not given out that they have to earn them there are a fair number who think this is unfair. Who are you as my teacher to expect me to have to put in any effort? Why do you think you should be able to keep me accountable when my parents have never tried?

The boys at Huntley very quickly learn that they don’t always get what they want. They learn to appreciate that some things are worth trying for. They realise that Mum and Dad aren’t always going to be there to make excuses for them, so they face up to their shortcomings and move on. It is very rare for parents not to back the school in this way. Parents that make excuses for their son’s behaviours all the time are generally the reason their son is in the trouble he’s in. In my time as Headmaster, I know of one parent who didn’t believe us when we suspected their son had stolen something. “My son would never do that!” If we had the back up of that parent at the time he may not be now attending his third high school.

Jacob is an example of boy who responds to authentic praise!

At Huntley when boys get praise it is authentic. It means something to him because he knows we don’t just hand out awards to every boy. As I write this I have just had five boys from Mr McAlley's room sent to me for their outstanding effort in the recent examinations. They weren't the top of the class but they all realised that for their ability they had out performed their own expectations. How exciting is that for a boy! This is how you build true self esteem. Don’t get me wrong I am all for praise and guidance. I believe in the inherent good in every boy and work hard to make sure that the boy knows exactly what I think his strengths are. He also understands what his weaknesses are and what I feel he can do to improve. I was horrified a number of years ago when I heard a staff member say I can’t stand that boy. I took that staff member aside and explained that the boy was 10 and had problems. He had social problems but he would never get better if that staff member wrote him off. In other words they had to be the bigger person. As a consequence that boy went on to succeed and I was delighted that he was made a prefect in his last year of secondary school. It was one of the nicest letters of congratulations I have ever had to write. A learning healthy school uses discipline as a learning process rather than a system of retribution. If a staff member really wants to earn the respect of the boys they must be unwaveringly fair and consistent. Boys have a righteous sense of fairness, some of it misguided, but there just the same. A staff member or parent who takes the time to explain what the boy did wrong is a long way down the road to earning that boys respect.

I guess the purpose of this written piece is to emphasise to parents, boys and staff that it doesn’t hurt anyone of us to see the best in all of us. We all make mistakes and this is where real learning takes place. If we live by values, like the Huntley Values: Tolerance, Responsibility, Kindness, Enthusiasm, Service, Respect, Honesty and G.D.P then we can truly “Prepare boys for the adventure of life.”